Basically, We're Still Going Back...

So, I've decided that I need to write blogs from "my office", as most middle class people would. Cos we all have "offices". Little rooms where we hide all of the crap we really don't want to sort out. The crap that we want to keep because, "one day I'll need it".  You know the one: old text books, boxes of receipts in case we get audited, a Buddha statue your friend gave you 6 years ago that you haven't found a home for yet, a mason jar half full of coins that you'll "turn into a holiday one day", and crafty things that you swear you will find time to use.  And aren't we all lucky to even afford a house with an "office"?  Just to make my office come to life, I've been mega edgy and bought a vintage lamp and mini cacti for my Ikea desk. Cool, right?

Anyway, from my cosy office, the internet is about as slow as AOL dial-up was from Mrs. Anderson's classroom back in 1997. Like, how totally annoying, right? Oh my gawd. But yeah, how mad.... That was ONLY 20 years ago! Look at how life evolves; back then I was being super cool and creating a Smashing Pumpkins fan site to share what I loved about my life. Now I'm enlightening the internet with my ebullient, scholarly ramblings....Wait. Hold on. Aren't I still just telling the interwebs what I like about my life? What has ACTUALLY changed?? Fuck all is what. Again, time. That basic bitch construct. Why is my life on a loop?!

Hold on, I didn't come on here this morning to blab about a fucking office full of shit from Ikea. Or AOL. I came on here to tell you about my career choice. Or rather, the career that chose me and why it's playing with my motherboard, causing a glitch in the system. ....when I was 15 it turns out I  had a big mouth (gasp!) and was very good at articulating what I thought and what needed to get done. I was focused. I was keen. I was, naturally, a bossy cow.  So, I became a teacher. And I loved it. I loved the give and take it had about it. The natural flow of expert to novice, then back again. The feeling you get when your pupil nails what you've shown them is marvellous; it's as addicting as street grade coke. And no. Not done it (I'm too basic and scared of the law), but I could imagine it would leave you wanting more. Anyway, I followed this feeling of, "holy shit, I've just taught somebody something and now they are actually good at it".... And here I sit, literally half of my life as a teacher; a teacher of dance, maths, and cultivator of future experts. But I've come unplugged from the matrix. No longer titillated by the joys I once lavished in. No longer feeling like that semi-naked lady in the summer fragrance adverts running through a field of wild flowers at dusk.

So I leave you with this: What's causing this upset? Is it you, or is it me? How could a perfectly "normal" chick end up with this much dissonance? Maybe the answer isn't that hard to find....I'm just gonna leave this gem here:

Let me take you back...

So... I've picked the most basic template for this blog - it's called "simple" view.  Sounds about right. It's mostly because the options are crap, but also, if I pick an "edgy" background I might come across as a bit of a cunt. A '"try-hard".  And that's not me....or....

Let me take you back. Back to the same old shit really. My life seems recorded on an infinity symbol, continually folding and turning upside down and back around on itself. If you're dumb and don't know what an infinity symbol is, here's a pic:

You see, the top becomes the side and then the bottom and then the side again and it keeps playing this same song in a continual loop....until death. So, when I say, "let me take you back", what I really mean is, "let me tell you a story that I have already told, that I will probably tell again with different characters at a different point in my life". This actually leads my thought process to time. Time is just a basic bitch construct to help us stupid humans deal with our reality. Like Brian Cox and the Nolan Brothers, I too believe that our lives are not linear. So the fact that I'm sat here writing a blog (again) about my basic life with basic issues (again) isn't a surprise. I've already written this blog, it's just that the events in my life right now have nudged me to publish them right now. Or something like that. 

Anyway, what I'm trying to do with this blog is self-medicate. Make myself feel better. I'm trying to get my emotions "down on paper" to make myself breathe a sigh of relief.  Also, you reading this and you commenting on this will help my self-esteem.  Isn't that why we all do this? Because we cry about our lives but make out like they are "totally sick, yo" on the internet? 

But alas, I've got 99 basic bitch, first world problems. And yes, a bitch is one.  What are they, you might ask? What could it possibly be that's bothering this healthy, corn-fed white girl from a middle class nuclear family?....Well, the bitch is me and the problem is my job. Not only my job; it's my career choice. But, I'm gonna be late for hot yoga; peace out.