It's Sunday.
Sunday Funday to some; days where you go daytime drinking in a pub with your friends after having done a good ol' hike in the countryside. Or days where you chill by the beach/pool and finish off your relaxing weekend with a margarita at sunset. For teachers, it's Sunday "Fuck-my-life-I-have-the-fear-of-Christ-inside-me-and-my-to-do-list-isn't-done" Doomsday. My fellow teacher friends, you know the feeling. The dread. The tummy upset. The lack of sleep. The pile of meaningless marking that you probably thought about all weekend but didn't do because, "the weekend is your time, dammit"....We try our hardest to partition work and home, we really do. It's just that our brains don't every really shut off when it comes to work. There's too much pressure. Let me lay it down to you: if we don't keep on top of our work, doesn't matter what day of the week or year it is, we may screw something very serious up. Could be, we miss a meeting or deadline--meh. Not so bad....We could even fall so behind we don't get a raise.....What's even scarier....if we royally cock up, we could mess up the education of hundreds of pupils. Then we've got major issues; from the school, the kids, the families of the kids, the city council, etc...Someone famous once wrote a song about pressure....
Anyway, last weekend I found a journal that I was writing in back in 2010. There are some GEMS in there, people! Basic bitch alert!! I found tearful notes about a boy and if he actually, really loves me (gag me with a spoon!)....Brilliant little notes I wrote to my future self about what was going on in my life, what I was hoping for in my future and mostly....to-do lists! I have always been a person who wants to be in control....Remember - I'm the biggest bossy cow you'll ever meet. (If you don't get that, read my other blogs.) Anyway, these to-do lists from 2010, well, they had PRACTICAL SHIT IN THEM. Things about ME. Things that I needed to do to make MY LIFE better. Not crap that I needed to do because the Department for Education says these things are what's best for a child in secondary school. Not crap that I will do and not a single person will give a shit about. Not crap that I might see a return for. Previously, I would have stuff like.... "mop the kitchen" or "go to the gym" on my to-do list! Very practical things! Never would like have a to-do list solely for getting things done for a job - for someone else. And yes, I had a fucking job! I had lists of things to do that improved MY life, made ME feel better, and yes. I am sounding very selfish. But I'm sick. Sick of living for the holidays, giving up my weekends, my evenings, my free time for kids that can't even be bothered to put their phones away, let alone try to learn maths. I especially am tired of doing jobs last minute for people because they are too unorganised to give me due notice. But let me re-think that last sentence....The people I am doing things last minute for are just as fucking busy as me. They are bogged down with the same set of soul-destroying tasks, so is it really their fault? I say no. It's the system. And I am bleeding sick of it. I'm going back to Sunday Funday and daytime boozing. Meet y'all there.
I wanted to write about something positive today, I promise! I sat down with the best intentions. Let's try it again, as the New Kids on the Block would say...
Peace on you.
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